Saturday, July 27, 2013

How-to Diminish the Need to Be Perfect So You Will Have More Confidence Towards the Achievement of Your Dreams and Goals

Unless I accept my faults I will most certainly doubt my virtues.  ~Hugh Prather ~

One of the most precious gifts that we can give ourselves is self-acceptance.  Wikipedia shares this info on self-acceptance:

 According to Shepard (1979), self-acceptance refers to an individual's satisfaction or happiness with himself, and is thought to be necessary for good mental health. Self-acceptance involves self-understanding, a realistic, albeit subjective, awareness of one's strengths and weaknesses. It results in an individual's feeling about himself that he is of "unique worth".

One of our greatest internal roadblocks that we experience throughout various seasons of our life is that of thinking that we are not worthy. We allow past experiences where the reaction of others toward us determined how we defined ourselves, our capability and our self-worth. And though we may be put off by their reactions, if we fail to guard our hearts, our emotional connection to these types of experiences can result in us agreeing with their limiting assessment of our self-worth. This is indicated by what we tolerate in our life even when we know at our core its not best for us.

I'm guilty. I remained in a domestic violence relationship far too long because I believed the lie that was told to me. The lie being, "nobody else is going to want you with a ready made family". I allowed this lie to rob me of the happiness that I found to exist, once I took action to leave that relationship. 

What I learned from that experience is that whenever I allow anyone else define what I am worthy of experiencing, then I begin to dishonor myself. I begin to treat myself as if I am not worthy of what it is that I want in life.

This lesson is at the forefront of my mind now because I'm about to take bolder steps towards the future I envision, and there is no way of knowing with all certainty that everything is going to unfold as I hope, pray and work to make it happen. I have had to return to this lesson so that I could remember to remember that even when I left that relationship everything in my life was not perfect.

I was in debt over my head. And though I was making a really descent income with Marriott, my debt to income ratio was way out of balance. So, I had to take on a part-time job for awhile. I had to reclaim my fearlessness and go after another promotion to increase my income so that I could quit the part-time job. Eventually, I paid off my debts outside of my car payment and most importantly I regained my self-respect and self-worth.

Yes, this was one of the most challenging times in my life, but it was also a period of tremendous spiritual, personal and professional growth. The inner-strength that I developed during these years helped prepare me for the challenges that came when I was promoted into my GM's position with Marriott's Fairfield Inn division. And, it served as anchor for me after the loss of my son, Blease.

I can look back at this and similar experiences and recognize that in spite of my imperfections and all the "imperfect" times in my life, each experience has been leading up to this period of my life.

A period in which I believe provides me with a multitude of opportunities to serve and contribute greater value. While at the same time allow me to expand my skills, knowledge and joy while living and loving my "imperfect" life.

Are You Chasing Perfection?

I've longed since recognize that the pursuit of perfection will hold me back from taking steps to manifest what I desire in life.

If you are waiting for the "perfect time", the "perfect mate", the "perfect job" or the "perfect" anything else to live your life to the fullest, to stand up for your dreams in a bigger way or just to be happy and content with the life you have right now, you are setting yourself up to be disappointed.

The "perfect time" in your life to love, to be successful, to have healthy and supportive relationships, to pursue a dream that you have put on the back burner, to laugh and experience joy, to move beyond your past heartaches and disappointments - is NOW!

Your life does not have to be "perfect" for you to "know" that all is well. You do not have to be "perfect" to consider yourself worthy of experiences that reflect your best self and highest good.

In the following video, Jeff Walker shares insights of a conversation that he had with one of his clients. And though he is speaking about business, the lessons can be applied in any aspect of your life in which the habit of chasing perfection is holding you back from actually taking action that leads to manifesting more of what you want in  life.


No one can be a better you than you. So it goes without saying that if you do not accept yourself for who you are, and learn how to make the most of what you have to offer then YOU will become the greatest obstacle to manifesting what is possible in your life. I wrote about this here.

Yes, it can be scary stepping out into the unknown. I get that. However, you have to recognize that time waits for no one. I challenge you to take action on one idea in the upcoming week that will move you one step closer to what it is that you want to manifest in your life. It doesn't have to be earth shattering. Baby steps create progress too. Just decide and do it. You're worth it!

I would love to hear your thoughts on how you have been able to manage the need to be perfect. Share them in the comments below.

Thank you for reading, connecting and sharing your insights and wisdom with the Grow Forward & Flourish community.

I appreciate YOU!

If this article resonated with you, share it with others. 

B Fearless

Jackie B