Wednesday, November 14, 2012

8 Reasons You Feel Emotionally Exhausted


If you neglect to recharge a battery, it dies. And if you run full speed ahead without stopping for water, you lose momentum to finish the race.

~ Oprah Winfrey ~

How often have you thought, “Where’s my get up and go? I’m tired all the time. But it’s not my body that’s tired. It’s like it’s me that’s tired inside my body.” So many of us are caught up in an energy rat race”, according to Mira Kirshenbaum, author of The Emotional Energy Factor: The Secrets High Energy People Use to Beat Emotional Fatigue. She says, “The demands of life, if not managed, will exhaust our emotional energy.” Emotional energy is defined by Kirshenbaum as “the preconditions for everything we care about. Everything worth doing that’s difficult gets lost without it. Marriages fail when we run out of the emotional energy to reach one more time across the divide of anger and silence. Dreams die when we lack the emotional energy to hang in there in the face of all the obstacles.”
In my blog post, Simple Steps to Managing an Emotional Energy Crisis, I encouraged readers to identify what made them feel emotionally exhausted. This action would help you to begin to say “no” to that which depletes you, so that you can create more space in your life for saying “yes” to that which fuels your spirit, soul and body. Kirshenbaum identifies the following eight reasons as cause for your emotional exhaustion:

 1.      All or Nothing Thinking: You have the tendency to “see” reality based on your emotional state at the time. “I feel it, therefore it must be true”, despite evidence that proves differently. This thinking style creates an attitude that makes it difficult for you to communicate effectively with others, causing misunderstandings and personal offenses that could have been avoided with a proper perspective on the situation.
2.      You’re Engaging Activities and Relationships against Your Values: When you continue to engage in activities and maintain relationships that do not honor your core beliefs and values, you dishonor your authentic self. We make our life hard by trying to be someone other than our self in the quest to be accepted and deemed worthy by others.

3.      You’ve forgotten what it means to Enjoy Life: Life is too important for you to take yourself so serious that you fail to honor and nurture “grace-filled” moments occurring in your daily life. “Boredom can kill your spirit”. How often do you schedule something new into your weekly agenda?

4.      Afraid to Acknowledge Your Fears to Others: What is it about being a human being that you don’t get? You are not a machine. Your emotions, good and bad, are a part of who you are. When you acknowledge the truth of your feelings, including your fears, you put the Universe on notice that you are no longer willing to live a limiting life because of an emotion. You are stronger than you think. You can feel your emotions without being controlled by them. Whatever you are facing, you have been equipped with the Spirit of the Lord so that you can manifest the victory that is yours.

5.      Paralyzed by Not Knowing What to Do:  Focusing on what you cannot do in a situation causes you to worry and it increases your anxiety and stress. Start focusing on what you can do. Identify the small steps you can begin to take towards creating the better you desire. Kirshenbaum writes, “Everything that you do now [related to the situation] that won’t make your life worse will make your life better and will make you feel much better. Action is the answer.”

6.      You’ve Stopped Dreaming: Can you recall as a kid how you felt when you had something to look forward to? When was the last time you felt that way as an adult? Kirshenbaum says, “Far too many of us, our lives are too much desert and not enough dessert.” You need something special to look forward to on a daily basis to fuel your emotional energy. What will be your treat today?

7.      You Have Nothing that Evokes Passionate Interest: Allowing your emotional energy to be controlled by everyday events that you can’t control causes you to live a life on an emotional roller coaster. Understandably, major events such as death of a loved one, loss of a job, business closing etc… will affect your emotional state. But you and I know people who are easily rattled everyday by what is normal stuff. In the worst of times and in the best of times, “you need [something of] interest [in your life] that generates high emotional energy, no matter what’s going on so you can feel better”, writes Kirshenbaum.

8.      Failure to Bring and Embrace Beauty in Your Life:  Being surrounded by the ugly and the drab takes a huge toll on people’s emotional energy, asserts Kirshenbaum. Begin to add some color, some sizzle in your life. It will shift your emotional energy.



Living life emotionally exhausted is no fun. No one said to themselves as a child, “I want to grow up and feel tired all the time when I become an adult”. You had dreams of adventure, love, fun, family and friends did you not? Consider how the reasons listed above are depleting you and causing an emotional energy crisis in your life. Once you tap into the renewable resources that fuel your emotional energy and plug up the leaks draining you of your emotional energy you will feel better about yourself, relationships and life.

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Unleash Your Power!
Jackie Capers-Brown









Jackie Capers Brown is the CEO of Positive Change Coaching Solutions. She is an author, motivational speaker and mentor to Game Changers. Feeling stuck? Navigating a transition? Want to overcome negative thinking and feel good about yourself and life? Read Jackie’s latest book, Get Unstuck Now: Changing Your Story, Unleashes Your Power to Move On and Be Happy.