Tuesday, October 30, 2012

Makeover My Attitude Challenge: Stopping Self-Sabotage, Wk. 3

Self-sabotage is when we say we want something and then go about
 making sure it doesn’t happen.

~Alyce P. Cornyn-Selby~

Let’s say God has given you a tremendous gift- one you feel could be very helpful right now in transforming your life and the life of many people. Yet you don’t make the effort to access the people or circumstances that could pave the way for you to express this gift. Will you give up or press through? God can arrange all kinds of things on your behalf, but He will not override your free will to make the necessary choices and take the required actions for you to express your gift. IF you do not deal with the personal beliefs and habits that keep you from expressing yourself at your highest, then you are choosing to block your own way.

If you could change one thing about your life in which you have the ability and influence to do something about, what would it be? Why don’t you think you have done something about it?

ü  It’s not because you don’t deserve it.

ü  It’s not because you don’t want it.

ü  It’s not because you aren’t intelligent or capable enough.

ü  It’s most likely because you are self-sabotaging.

Self-sabotaging beliefs creates the gap between what we say we want and what we actually do towards making what we want to be our reality. We say to our self,
“I want to be happy in this relationship, but I can’t let go of the pain from previous relationships.”

“I want to lose weight, but I can never stick to our future routines long enough to see any positive results.”
“I want to be out of debt, but who am I kidding – everyone that I know is swimming in debt, why do I think that I can do what some many others can’t seem to be able to do?”

According to Pat Pearson M.S.S.W., author of STOP Self-Sabotage: Get Out ofYou Own Way to Earn More Money,Improve Your Relationships and Find the Success You Desire, “Self-sabotage is the emotional straitjacket on our behavior and feelings. It binds us tightly with negative subconscious straps that keep us from reaching out and grabbing what we most yearn for and deserve in life. Pearson notes, “Part of the spiritual journey, the spiritual quest… takes a certain level of spiritual courage for you to believe and feel you deserve more.”

The Power of Your Beliefs

The outer conditions of a person’s life will always be found to reflect their inner beliefs.

~James Allen~

In order for you to believe and feel that you deserve more in life, it is important that you begin to identify the beliefs and assumptions that impose limitations on what you believe is possible in life. Your life will never rise above your beliefs. Your life is “only” limited by how far your faith, beliefs, thoughts and actions will take you.

Once you identify “iceberg” beliefs within your subconscious and begin to take actions to challenge their validity, you can begin the process of re-scripting experiences in your life from a more empowered perspective. Your interpretation of events in your childhood and teens created psychological impressions that have nurtured your present belief system. Now, as an adult, you have the power to reframe these events in such a way that strengthens and empowers you. Telling your personal story of events in your life from an empowered perspective fuels your faith and cultivates a resilient mindset. These and other positive factors shifts your emotional energy and enables you to harness the inner strength necessary to decide a course for your life, and align your thoughts and actions in agreement what it is that you truly desire to experience in life.

Why are our beliefs so powerful? Pearson identifies two reasons:

1.      Your energy follows your thoughts. The emotional and physical energy that you have goes in the direction of your thoughts. It is the law of attraction in action. The dominate energy that you transmit in life, you will receive it back to you. And putting on a social mask of a “positive attitude” doesn’t cut it, if it isn’t the “truth” in your heart. The heart attitude that you approach life with has a tremendous bearing on the people and experiences that you attract in your life.

2.   Whatever you think about you get more of. If you are always entertaining thoughts that focus your attention and energy towards “all that has gone wrong”, that you “never have any good breaks” and so forth, the energy that you are transmitting  “nothing ever goes good for me” I’m said to say, will become a self-fulfilling prophecy.

Our actions are a direct result of the “emotional meanings” that we have attached to each of our experiences. Making a connection to underlying beliefs sabotaging our wellbeing in life and challenging them with an empowered perspective could very well loose the straps of the straitjacket of self-sabotage and set us free from these conditioned tendencies.

Challenge Your Beliefs

In the province of the mind, what one believes to be true either is true or becomes true.

~John Lilly~

Pearson wrote, “Beliefs are like icebergs. What stacks up into conscious awareness comprises only about 10 percent of your total belief system. A full 90 percent of beliefs remain unconscious to your walking-around self until you go looking for them. These unrecognized beliefs create your thoughts and direct your energy.”

 When You Were a Child…

 Childhood impressions created many of our adult perceptions, of our self, other people, and life. As a child, we didn’t have the reasoning capacity to always identify the validity of the interpretations that we gave to our experiences. The emotional meanings that we have attached to many of these experiences often trigger knee-jerk reactions to our present adult experiences.

Now, You Are an Adult…

As an adult, we have the reasoning capacity to challenge and reject any belief or emotion that is not helping us experience the happiness, love and success that we truly want in life. To stop self-sabotage, we have to think about what we think about. If for example, just because someone has believed for most of his or her life that they are not worthy or capable of something doesn’t make it the gospel truth. Matter of fact, it isn’t the gospel truth. It’s a truth of someone who spoke from a perspective of their own limitations. You don’t have to continue to accept what someone else believes about you as YOUR TRUTH! You can begin to nurture a belief system that you are worthy and deserving of God's best in life. Only when you can believe this will you begin to experience the fullness of God's best in your life. For he that comes to God must believe that he is a rewarder of them that diligently seek after him. (Hebrews 11:6)

Self-sabotaging beliefs that go unchecked keeps you circling the mountain of wanting more in life but whatever is your “it” continues to elude you. You have to settle within yourself, that you will no longer continue to live beneath what is possible in your life because of “lies of limitations”. You have to become determined to begin a daily ritual of renewing your mind with words of life that speaks to the gifts dwelling in you; words that strengthen your faith in God and in yourself that empowers a “can-do” attitude to live a life that is the full expression of the gifts of God within you.

As you challenge "iceberg beliefs” that are creating that gap between what you say you want and what you actually do to make it happen, you will begin to say to yourself,

“I deserve to be happy”

“I am worthy of living debt-free”

“I am worthy of a trusting and loving intimate relationship”

“I am worthy of God’s best because He first loved me through the gift of His son Jesus for my sins”

“In Christ, I can do all things”

As your self-talk becomes more empowering, you will begin to develop a more positive self-image, self-esteem and self-confidence. This will be a tangible indicator that you are addressing the “iceberg” beliefs that were keeping you from expressing yourself at your highest ability. You will begin to navigate a path forward that embraces experiences in which you will express all that God has created you to be and live a life that is beyond all that you can ask or imagine is possible. Dare to believe in the goodness of God stored up for you and go get your blessings.

Makeover My Attitude Challenge: Stopping Self-Sabotage, Wk. 3

In this week’s challenge, you will identify common patterns of self-sabotage in your life. You cannot change what you're not willing to confront. By identifying your personal self-sabotage tendencies, you can begin to be mindful of your patterns so that when you recognize that you are doing them, you can begin to put a stop to them. The best way to stop old habits is to replace them with a new habit. Don't dismay, if you find that you exhibit several of the self-sabotaging tendencies; I suggest that you make effort towards the one which has created the most loss and emotional pain in your life. By changing this particular tendency, you will unleash a greater measure of emotional energy.

Pearson noted, “There are five common self-sabotage strategies that grow out of our focused fears and either drive us into negative action or send us running away from our desires. As a result, we repeatedly adjust our lives to stay within our [self-imposed] limits.”

Here are the five self-sabotage strategies outlined in her book:

1.      Resignation:  Your dominant thoughts consist of the following “Deep down I don’t believe I deserve it, so I won’t even go after it.” “I don’t like to get my hopes up. Then, if I don’t get it, it won’t hurt so much.” This self-sabotaging strategy influences you to give up on what you desire to experience before it really begins.

2.      Denial:  Your dominant thoughts consist of the following, “I won’t pay attention to this problem. It will just go away.” “It’s not really that important or significant.” In other words, you are saying, “I deny responsibility” and “I blame others for my problems.” This self-sabotaging strategy influences you to live out the Peter-Principle which keeps you busy on unproductive work. You refuse to delegate tasks or acknowledge the truth of your reality and the need for help.

3.      Throw It Away:  Your dominant thoughts consist of the following, “I get it, but then, since I don’t deserve it, I blow it.” This self-sabotaging strategy influences you to throw away your dreams. You find yourself achieving success but because this root belief that you don’t deserve it, you will begin to sabotage the very success that you’ve worked hard to achieve.

4.      Settling for Less:  Your dominant thoughts consist of the following, “I want it, but I’m not really good enough, so I’ll settle for less.” “I won’t try very hard because I probably won’t get it any way.”  This self-sabotaging strategy influences you to settle for “what is” when “what can be” is within your grasps and ability, if only you would pursue it.

5.      The Fatal Flaw: Your dominant personality flaw may consist of one, or all of the following:

·         You have the answer for everything and everybody

·         You believe that you are perfect and you strive to achieve perfectionism in everything that you do. A habitual tendency that annoys most of the people around you.

·         You procrastinate on making decisions and take decisive action to resolve a problem.

·         You have anger and/or communication issues that make it difficult for anyone to live or work with you in a positive manner for the long term.

Many of your beliefs about your self-worth and ability was shaped by flawed, well-meaning individuals. That being the case, it is within the power of your human will to begin to demonstrate compassionate care towards yourself. Start to give yourself, the love, appreciation and care that you've felt you should receive. Self-care is a powerful spiritual weapon. Taking actions to heal the wounded places of your soul honors the divine in you. It empowers you to recreate a personal belief system that is based on principles that honor and respect the spiritual being that you are and the strongest human being you can become.

You don’t have to walk around in life contained by beliefs and emotions that are making you miserable. You  have the God-given authority to choose life and with that decision access the power of your faith to move beyond limitations and embrace what has been divinely purposed for you.

 It’s Your Move ~ Aspire Higher